Shadow: Lust and Lies Series Book 1 Read online

  I pulled the rest of my clothes off as I made my way to the bed. Annie tossed a condom at me and climbed up on the bed. As I rolled on the condom, she asked, “Do you want to do the fucking or be fucked?”

  “Let’s start with you fucking me, Annie.”

  She straddled my waist, and I nearly came as she sat down on my shaft. Fucking hell! This felt amazing, and I shut my eyes to savor the feelings as she rode my cock. I was lost in the sensations, and before I could attempt to hold off, I blew my load.

  Annie encouraged me as my cum filled the condom and then when I stopped spurting, she kissed me and climbed off the bed.

  “Baby doll you can take some water if you’d like before you leave. Hope you enjoyed it, hon,” Annie casually said from across the room.

  She pulled on a sheer robe before walking into the bathroom and closing the door. Okay, so that’s how it works. No feelings or attachment rule; I get it. I supposed much of my life was the same up to this point.

  I pulled on my clothes and quietly left. When I got outside, I took a deep breath when I saw Martin sitting on a bench waiting for me. As I approached him, he looked up and smiled.

  “So?”

  I shrugged but then broke out into a smile. Martin stood and pulled me into a hug and slapped me on the back as he laughed some.

  “Fuck yeah, Wes. I’m proud of you, mate. Come on, tell me all about it.”

  I retold the story of my evening with Annie as we walked back to the metro line. He spoke again about how much better sex was with the tablet as opposed to not having it in your system. I reminded him that I didn’t have anything to compare it to.

  “The next time you decide to jack off, take a tablet. You’ll see. Since you have plenty of experience wanking without it, you’ll have something to compare it to.”

  We joked on the metro line all the way to our stop, and as we walked the rest of the way home, Martin reminded me about keeping it a secret that he had given me a tablet.

  “It’s not that Dad will freak…but he’ll kind of freak because you’re still in school.”

  “I won’t say anything. Do you think he’ll be able to tell?”

  “No, mate. We’ll get inside, and you can take a shower so you don’t smell like cheap perfume. Dad won’t know.”

  * * *

  I felt so out of it when I woke up the morning after my visit to the Red Light District. I looked at the clock and realized I was running late. I had to be at the bakery at 7:00, and it was already 6:15. I bolted out of bed and hurried to get ready. I scolded myself the entire way to the bakery. Way to fuck things up.

  Thankfully the bakery was slow on this Saturday morning. I felt sluggish all through my shift and welcomed my first break when it finally came. I sat out in the alley and instead of eating my breakfast, I let my head rest on my knees.

  What was wrong with me?

  I barely made it through the day, and when I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep.

  This pattern went on for a few days, and terrible things from the docks worked their way back into my head. I found that my head was cluttered again with old stuff and I didn’t understand why. Since all of this came back, I’ve been spending my evenings out by the creek behind the house. It’s quiet out there, and I thought the quietness would do me some good.

  “May I join you?” Thom’s voice startled me.

  I looked up and nodded at him. Thom sat down on the decking next to me and dangled his feet off the edge.

  “Are you doing okay, Wes?”

  Shit.

  My head had been leaning against the wood post on the decking, and it took so much energy for me to bring my head upright.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  “Have you ever been depressed before, Wes?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, there’s a first for everything,” Thom said quietly.

  Did he know?

  He put his arm around my shoulder and tugged me to lean against him.

  “It won’t last forever, Wesley. Depression can be a common side effect of ecstasy.”

  Fuck, he knew. My body must have tensed up because he told to relax and said I wasn’t in trouble.

  “What’s been on your mind, son?”

  “I don’t know. Old stuff, I think.”

  “Unlike Kyler, Mason, and Martin, you’ve had a traumatic childhood. So, it’s no surprise to me that your past is what has caught your attention as you’re coming off the tablet. The important thing, Wes, is that you learn how your body reacts to ecstasy.”

  I was surprised. I thought he’d tell me to stay away from it.

  “Aren’t you mad at me?”

  “No, Wes. You’re at that very curious stage in your life, and it’s natural that you’re going to experiment. I just want you to do it safely. Our stuff is pure. Only take our stuff. And now you know how your body reacts.”

  Thom patted my shoulder and encouraged me not to stay outside too late.

  “And Wes, I will be up for a few more hours in my den. The door is open if you’d like to come talk about what pieces of your past are occupying your mind.”

  I nodded and watched him walk inside. I stayed outside for a bit longer and then when I went inside, instead of going to my room, I walked down the hall to Thom’s den.

  12

  Wes

  May 2013

  As the bakery neared closing time, I made my rounds in the dining area to ensure all of the tables had been cleaned. Only a few customers remained, so I joined Martin behind the counter as he prepped the receipts of the day to tally. Martin and I had shop closing duties tonight.

  One of the last customers came to the counter, paid and purchased two pills. Martin glanced at me and asked me if I wanted to help box it. I eagerly nodded and followed him to the back.

  He opened the safe where the ecstasy tablets were kept, and then he backed up.

  “Okay, Wes. Put the gloves on and use the tongs to get the tablets. Place them on the parchment…good. Now set the parchment in the box and close the safe. Pull the gloves off inside out and toss them in this trash bin.” I was following his directions exactly. “Now close up the pastry box, wash your hands and that’s it.”

  “Thanks, Martin.”

  “Here, I’m going to take the box out so the customer can get going while you wash.”

  I heard the customer leave, and I knew there were only two customers left in the place, so I stayed in the back and began to clean up. As I was sweeping the breadcrumbs and flour dust from the floor, I heard the bell chime as someone entered the bakery. I glanced over the service window from the back and saw that the last two customers had just left as another man entered. The man approached the counter and spoke to Martin.

  “Is Thom or Dean around?”

  “No, they’ve gone for the evening,” Martin replied.

  I continued to sweep and frowned when the man asked about Mason and Kyler.

  “They aren’t here either. Is there something that I might be able to assist you with, mate?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Whoa, take it easy,” Martin said cautiously.

  “The pills. Hand them over, young Van Doorn.”

  “They’re in the safe.”

  When I glanced over the service window, I saw that the man had pulled a gun on Martin. I quickly looked around and hid behind the door that led from the front of the bakery and restaurant to the back. There was a metal pipe behind the door that my brothers told me was there for times just like this. I quietly picked it up and waited. My heart pounded as I waited and everything moved in slow motion when Martin walked through the door. The thief was behind Martin with the gun and shoved him forward.

  “Come on, open up the safe.”

  As Martin knelt down, I stepped from the shadow of the door and swung the pipe as hard as I could, hitting him horizontally across the top of his back and neck. I also caught part of his head with the pipe. The man lurched forward and stumbled, dropping the gun
. I threw all of my weight on him and struggled with him until I knew that Martin had the gun.

  “Got it, Martin?” I asked and looked over at him.

  Martin aimed the gun at the man while I moved away from the thief. My whole body was shaking as I went to stand by Martin.

  “You okay, mate?” Martin asked me.

  “Fine.”

  “Who the fuck are you?” the man asked me, but Martin spoke up.

  “He’s my little brother…Wes Van Doorn. And you’ve made a terrible mistake coming here tonight.”

  “I didn’t know there were four little Van Doorns,” the man said as he rubbed the spot on the back of his head that I hit with the pipe.

  “Wes, call Dad,” Martin instructed.

  I raced to the phone and dialed Dad.

  Come on, answer!

  “Dad, some guy tried to rob us,” I blurted into the phone as soon as my dad answered. “He’s still here, but we got the gun away from him.”

  “Where’s the gun?”

  “Martin…Martin has it.”

  “Wesley, lock the door! I’m on my way.”

  I ran to the door, locked it and then returned to the back where Martin was.

  “He’s on his way,” I announced.

  “Like I said, mister, you made a terrible mistake,” Martin said.

  “Let me go, little Van Doorn. You don’t have it in you to pull the trigger. You’re not like your brutal uncles and father.”

  This guy was crazy. My dad and Dean had been very anti-violence as long as I’d been part of the family. Aside from the guy in the alley that Dean shot. Martin cocked the gun and aimed it at the man.

  “You don’t know anything about me, mate.”

  I could see Martin’s hand shake as the man stood.

  “What if I have another gun in my jacket?” the man asked.

  I glanced at Martin as he shook his head.

  “You’re bluffing,” Martin challenged.

  “Am I?”

  The man reached inside his jacket.

  “Mart—" I started to say as the man moved his hand toward his jacket.

  “He’s bluffing, Wes.”

  From his jacket, he pulled a smaller handgun.

  “Martin!” I yelled.

  “I sure as hell ain’t waiting around for Thom Van Doorn to show up.”

  The man turned his back to us and then shot himself in the head.

  My hands immediately covered my ears. My God, the blood. I blinked and realized blood was all over me. Isaac. I wiped the blood from my face with the back of my hand and felt faint. I crouched down and leaned against the wall. The man’s head was blown away, but his legs and arms were twitching and splashing in the blood. I had never seen anything so horrific.

  “Wes.”

  Martin said my name I think, but I couldn’t be sure due to the ringing in my ears. I couldn’t pull my eyes from the man’s twitching body. It was as if his body was still alive but without a head.

  “Wes, don’t look at him.”

  How could I not look?

  Martin crouched in front of me, forcing me to look at him and not the body. He was covered in as much blood as I was. His hands shook as he reached toward me and shook my shoulders.

  “Mart,” was all I could manage to say.

  “Right here, Wes. Dad’s on his way. He’ll be here soon.”

  “Don’t t-tell them…” I struggled to even put words together to make a sentence.

  “Don’t tell them what?”

  “That I was a wimp.”

  Martin shook his head at me and then sat down on the bloody floor beside me. I didn’t want our dad to think I was a wimp. He’d never let me help with the family business.

  “You weren’t a wimp. You pounded him with that pipe and got the first gun away from him. He could have killed us.”

  Soon, the back door opened and I faintly heard our dad swear before he called out our names. I heard Kyler and Mason’s voices too. I barely heard them, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of the man’s body to look in their direction.

  “We’re okay,” Martin called out.

  “My God. Kyler! Mason! Stay in the dining area!”

  I closed my mouth tightly as I watched my dad put some bags over the body.

  Eventually, Dad led Martin and I to the alley, and told us to get out of the bloody clothes. I didn’t argue. I knew we couldn’t get into a car like this. Dad collected our bloody clothes in a black trash bag and sent Kyler and Mason back home to get us clean clothes

  I crouched down on the cement as dad hooked up the hose to the water faucet that I used to drink from when I lived on the streets. He helped Martin hose the blood off, and then he reached for me. My body felt stiff, and I ached as I stood and carefully walked to him.

  “Try to relax, Wes,” Dad said as he slowly raised the hose to my shoulders.

  The water was ice cold and reminded me of the docks. I jerked away out of habit for it reminded me of how I used to bathe. Dad gently took hold of my upper arm and reminded me that no one would hurt me.

  “You’re safe, Wes. It’s not the docks, son.”

  The docks.

  My legs felt weak and like they’d give out at any moment, and I felt like I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs. Combined with the weakness in my legs, I was slightly aware that I was lowering myself to the ground. My bare knees slapped against the wet ground, and suddenly my vision became fogged and blurred.

  “Wes!”

  I heard my name and felt hands on my arms. The more my body quivered, the tighter the grip on my arms were. I felt water against my knees and looked down. I continued to blink until the haze cleared and I saw the water spilling lazily out of the hose against my knees.

  “Focus, Wesley. You’re not at the docks, son.”

  Not at the docks. I slowly nodded and noticed Martin was crouched a few feet in front of me. When I looked at his face, I noticed he was clean. No blood remained on his face. He nodded and smiled at me.

  “You’re okay, mate. We’re not at the docks,” Martin said.

  All I felt comfortable doing was to nod.

  “Wes, son I’ve got to get the blood off of you. Lean forward, I’m going to hold the hose over your head and wash it out of your hair.

  Carefully, I leaned forward and stayed still as the cold water raced over my head and splashed on my legs some before hitting the ground. My dad ran his hand through my hair and then let the water flow over my neck.

  “Close your eyes. I’m going to wash your face off. We’re almost done, Wes.”

  I snapped my mouth closed as tight as I could and squeezed my eyes shut. Soon, the ice water spilled down my forehead as my dad gathered the water in his hands and splashed it around my face.

  “Jesus.”

  I heard Dean’s voice as my dad shut the water off and told me he was all done. When I opened my eyes, my dad was still by my side and now Dean was standing close.

  “Easy, Shadow,” Dean calmly said and touched the top of my head.

  “Dean, can you go back inside and get something for the boys to at least dry their faces with? I sent Kyler and Mason home to get them clean clothes.”

  While our uncle was gone, my mind drifted from the events that unfolded this evening and the time I spent on the docks while in group care. By the time I stepped into the clean clothes, my body felt stiff and ached.

  Dad took us around to the front entrance of the bakery so we wouldn’t have to walk through the carnage in the back. He sat with us at a booth while we drank some warm tea. I was so cold that I was shaking, but Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders as Martin retold the story.

  “Thank God you boys are okay,” Dean said. “Thom, did you want to take the boys home and I’ll wait here for Armin and his guys?”

  Armin. I remember Dean saying that name all those years ago in the alley.

  “That’s probably a good idea,” Dad said.

  I was so tired on the way home that I closed my eyes.
I tried shaking images of tonight from my head, but it was no use. It felt like I had just closed them when Martin nudged me awake.

  “Come on, mate. We’re home.”

  After Martin had gone to bed and I assured our dad that I was okay, I found myself sitting alone in the kitchen when Mason appeared. The look on his face was intense, and the longer he looked at me, the intensity seemed to fade.

  I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with him right now. He unfolded his arms as he approached me and took a seat next to me. He was quiet and kept looking over his shoulder in the direction of the living room.

  “Are you okay, Wes?” he whispered.

  I nodded. Mason kept staring at me, almost like he wanted to say something else. We turned our heads in the direction of the living room when Dean called Mason’s name. I noticed that Mason flinched and rolled his eyes as he stood.

  “Thank you for keeping my brother alive, Wesley,” Mason whispered again.

  He gave my head a pat as he left the room and then went outside with Dean. Maybe I’d earned a little respect from Mason.

  13

  Wes

  June 2018

  “Holy, shit! Look at this!” Martin exclaimed as he walked towards the counter with the newspaper in his hands.

  Martin and I had opened the bakery this morning, and while the staff was putting pastry items in the display case, he had a million-dollar smile on his face.

  “Trip Janssen and three others in close relation to the Janssen family have been arrested!” Martin read aloud the headline and sat down at the counter. “This is huge, Wes. I wonder if Dad has seen this yet!”

  I knew of the Janssen family just from things I had heard over the years and had learned that they were the first family on the streets for ecstasy. Supposedly, they had two facilities that made the stuff in mass quantities.

  Their mass production on top of having so many customers meant that they could afford to undercut us and any other distributor, and still turn a huge profit. They were able to sell a pure tablet for fifteen euros while we sold them for twenty euros. They made up for the difference in volume.

  Not only did the Janssen family have a monopoly in Amsterdam for ecstasy distribution, but they also exported the most to other countries. They were a huge player in the Great Britain market, and they were starting to cause a shakeup in the United States.